It was July 6th and Elliot got up at 6, which means we all get up. Elliot and I have a special tradition of cuddling in the morning, he crawls under the blankets with me, snuggles real close, and drinks his juice--probably my favorite part of every morning. I remember waking up to Elliot crawling under the covers with me and thinking ouch this hurts a little. Immediately, I woke up and told Jason, " I think we need to go to the hospital I am having contractions" I began timing them while Jason got ready and I got Elliot ready to go, we packed our bags and dropped Elliot off at my in-laws home. The contractions were roughly 5 minutes apart and I was so excited to head to the hospital. This was it, I had been waiting so patiently for this little boy to come naturally and after each disappointing doctors appointment I was ready. On our way to the hospital I excitedly told all my family that we were on our way to the hospital(which is 45 minutes away)and to expect their new nephew sometime today.
We arrived at the hospital and they put me on a monitor to watch my contractions, the typical go through. When they came in to check to see how dilated I was they did not feel the babies head so they sent a different nurse to do it. As soon as she touched his head his heart beat plummeted from the high 150s to low 80s, bad sign number one, it was a scary moment and I rolled to my side which helped get him back up. I was admitted shortly after and met my first nurse Lana. Lana was a wonderful woman who I became my family during her shift at the hospital. We expressed that we were LDS and she told us that she was too! It was fun having a nurse of the same faith there and she began the process of getting us all ready.
In the late afternoon Dr. Gregory Schroff came in and said that he would like to break my water, stick a monitor inside to properly gauge the intensity of the contractions, and start me on some pitocin to really jump start this labor. I agreed and watched as my water broke and meconium poured out, bad sign number two. That made everyone a little nervous but we kept on going. Right away the contractions were more intense, I was turning into a crazy person. I was grabbing at Jason sobbing, "I can't do this....I don't want a baby any more....please make it stop please!!!" Literally, the pain was agonizing and with each contraction I couldn't keep up. The contraction would end and I just felt exhausted, by the time I was done sobbing they were starting up again and I asked for the epidural.
I was only 3 cm at this time and my wonderful nurse Lana was in there trying to comfort me the entire time. As we waited for the anesthesiologist to come she was teaching me how to breathe. This is something I have never experienced before and also beforehand when I thought about the "hehehehehe" breathing all I thought was how stupid and how could that possibly help any one. It does help. I sat up in bed and Jason was standing between my legs holding my hands as I sobbed uncontrollably at this point because the pain was so intense I thought I was going to die. The anesthesiologist began the procedure of inserting the epidural and Lana my wonderful nurse was holding my foot telling me to concentrate on that with each contraction. I couldn't breathe and was hyperventilating so Lana put the oxygen mask over my face . Soon she told Jason he looked very pale and needed to sit down, it was at that point I opened my eyes and saw just how white Jason really was. Lana stepped in for Jason holding my hands, telling me how to breathe, helping me through each contraction--it was truly a special moment with this wonderful nurse. Lana told Jason to go lay down on the couch with his feet above his head and at last my epidural was done. Jason left shortly afterwards to go get some air(which he desperately needed) and Lana stayed by my side. She stayed with me until a different nurse came to relieve her so she could take a lunch.
Soon Jason came back and sat by my side saying that he really needed a blessing. We asked our good friends the Robbins if they knew any one in tricities who could come give us a blessing. Shortly I got a text saying that Missionaries would be at the hospital to give us a blessing asap. I love the Robbins, they really are our best friends, the amount of love that they have shown to us is really special and we are so grateful for them. The Missionaries arrived and gave us each a blessing, mine speaking of the health of our son and that he would be here by safe means. That is the line that has stuck with me. I cannot tell you the rest of it or any other portion that was said except the line, "your son will arrive healthy and by safe means". They left shortly afterwards Lana came back in to check on how I was doing, I was at 5 cm, Hurray!
I was all numb and hated that I wasn't able to move my body like I wanted too. The baby was in an odd position so I kept having to roll from side to side every hour. Slowly I was progressing but that was all that mattered. Around 7 Dr. Schroff made his entrance and told me that I was not progressing like he wanted and to be at 6 after this long wasn't showing a good sign. The babies heart beat was dropping dramatically with each contraction that I was experiencing,bad sign number 3. They increased the pitocin which helped the babies heart beat and again we all waited. Dr. Schroff stayed with us this time and watched "River Monsters" with us, cracking jokes and making the fact that I knew what was coming less scary. At 9 pm I was checked again and told me that although I was at an 8 whether we waited another hour or two hours this baby was not going to come so it was time to do the c-section.
I remember saying, "Well that was a waste of time" and Dr. Schroff saying, "No, you have to look at it as you literally did everything you could to get this baby out naturally. It just didn't work" Then we started getting ready. I don't remember much after that because I just kept my eyes closed with my hands together on my chest. The epidural was wearing off and so the contractions were beginning to hurt again I tried to focus all my energy on crying. I remember them wheeling me away and hearing them tell Jason to wait here, I remember thinking I wish I had told Jason I love him before they made him sit down in case I die this time.
I got into the room and moved to the next table like I was told, again I closed my eyes and put my hands together on my chest. The song, "Somebody That You Used To Know" was playing in the operating room as the cold medicine went into my hand. We did the needle test and I passed so up went the blue sheet but then I started feeling my contractions again.
Me: I can feel my contractions
Anesthesiologist guy(Trevor): You are feeling your contractions?
Me:Yes
We redo the needle test, I fail. Inject more cooling medicine into my vein.
Me:I feel that
Anesthesiologist guy(Trevor):What do you feel?
Me:Sharp(this was the scalpel they were preparing to slice me with)
Again we do the needle test, again I fail. Again we cooling medicine in my IV
Me:I still feel that
Doctor Schroff: What do you feel?
Me:Sharp
Doctor Schroff: What side?
Me:Left
Anesthesiologist guy(Trevor): Okay we have to put you under now
I remember saying okay and the mask going over my face just breathing it all in. I kept thinking that I wished I could have told Jason I loved him before I went in. I also remember hearing the anesthesiologist tell the nurse next to me to squeeze my trachea.
I woke up and was told my surgery went really well. I asked if the baby was okay and was told he came out screaming. They asked if they could give him a bottle and I said No I wanted to breastfeed him so they said they would try to get me to him as soon as they could. I kept thinking why wouldn't you do that to begin with? I also couldn't wake up. During this groggy state I heard the nurses talking about a man crying in the hallway and how he was incredibly emotional. I kept thinking it was Jason and I got worried, he does not get emotional so to hear that worried me. I wanted to see Jason I wanted to see the baby but I couldn't get my body to get up. I asked how much the baby weighed and no one knew. The anesthesiologist came in and talked with me a minute as he was leaving I said, "hey mr. anesthesiologist guy what did my baby weigh?" He did not know but a nurse told me his name was Trevor. He helped wheel me down to my room where I tried to get back to my normal state of sitting up and staying awake.
Jason walked in with our son and I was so happy to see them both. I asked Jason if he was the emotional man that they were talking about and he told me no. Haha. We decided on Jude shortly after I saw him. He was so beautiful and all I could think was how happy I was that he was here and got here safely. As I began to breastfeed him I turned to Jason and said, "you know everything I didn't want to happen, happened" and we both laughed. You see my biggest fear going into a VBAC was that it wouldn't go the way I wanted it too, that I would have to have a c-section, that I would have to be put under and not hear my sons first cry, and that Jason wouldn't be there. All those happened but I was really okay with the entire experience. Lana called the nurses station and asked how we were doing after the c-section even though she was home, I really fell in love with this woman.
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| Jude Kenneth Simmons was born at 10:55 pm |
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| 8lbs 6oz 21 1/4 inches long |
He was beautiful and he was safe. Jason later told me that Dr. Schroff had seen that my scar was beginning to stretch and that had we not done a c-section when we did I would have likely had a uterine rupture,the last bad sign. He also informed Jason that Jude would have never fit down the birth canal and "if 7lb 6oz won't fit 8lb 6oz won't either". I am grateful for modern medicine and the fact that it allows me to safely have children, I am grateful that I can be a mother and that I have an amazing husband who stands by me, I am grateful for my incredible doctors who I know did everything they could to deliver naturally but ultimately made the right safest call for me and Jude.
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