We All Have Those Days

Today was not a good day, in fact it was long and dragged on.  This morning when I got up Jason was getting Elliot undressed because we forgot to put a diaper on him and he was covered head to toe in urine, Jude lay crying on the couch, and the dining room had muddy dog footprints and blood every where.  I knew today was not going to be a good day.  Elliot refused to take a bath so instead I put him in the tub screaming,  Jude has been fussy all day unless he is sleeping, and my great danes ear has been bleeding for at least TWO months.  Elliot screamed in the bath tub while I washed his hair and his whole body and Jude cried in the bathroom in his bouncer.  When I woke up this morning I was ready for the day, I knew what I wanted to do today and I knew that it was going to be okay.  Days do not always work out that way.

Life does not always work out that way.  I don't talk about my family a lot for a variety of different reasons.  I like to think I am a good person.  I don't try to cause drama.  When I was a teenager I lived for it, I loved the gossip and the entanglements, in fact I still love to hear about someone else's drama or someone else's gossip.  My life is complicated enough without my own family drama, I don't need it. .

Things have changed for me this past year in a lot of ways.  People I once relied upon are no longer there for me and it makes me feel alone.  I don't have a lot of people I consider friends and I don't let people close to my heart.  I often feel alone and days like today I eat my feelings.  I eat for all the tears I cried last week, I eat for feeling alone, and I eat for the knowledge that tomorrow may not be better.  Today was not a good day for me.  The kids were fussy till they went to bed, I spilled an entire glass of water typing this, and my husband has homework that will keep him up till midnight.  Tomorrow may not be better but the knowledge that everyone has days like today helps.  The knowledge that my husband loves me and my kids love me it helps.  The knowledge that I have one friend I can rely upon for anything and to talk to at any time it helps a lot.  I ate my feelings tonight.  Guess we need another bag of candy for the trick-o-treaters....